It’s incredibly easy to get lulled into the everyday routine. Whether we admit it or not, we’re quite comfortable with everything, even our own suffering. We become so accustomed to everything that we fail to notice we’ve become stuck in a pattern. It’s not surprising, as we are largely unaware beings, with over 95% of our activities and patterns coming from the unconscious. So, be gentle with yourself when you find you’re replaying the same old story and finding it hard to make a change.
However, we must also take responsibility for this. It’s not enough to be smart about everything; we need to dive into that unconscious area to truly understand—Why is this happening to me?—and clear the root causes of these issues. Nowadays, there are more than enough methods, and each of us must find what suits us best. It’s good to have a few “tools” up your sleeve. That’s why I never hesitated to attend training sessions, and each clear decision opened doors for me, even when it seemed impossible for anything to materialize.
Today, I might find many things much easier, but the journey to this point has been ugly, difficult, frightening, humiliating, dark, sticky, smelly, bitter, etc. Someone might look at me today and think, “Wow, she has it all figured out; everything seems so easy and smooth. I want that too!” 🙂
I wish everyone to live their purpose, to be free to do what they love and what fulfills them. At the same time, I don’t wish for anyone to go through what I had to endure to be in a similar place. Besides, it’s impossible—my path is the way it is for a reason. You know the saying—If I had to, I would go through it all again because I’m here where I am today. Well, honestly, I wouldn’t go through it all again, and I’m perfectly okay being here because I’ve earned every bit of it!
Today, I fully allow myself to say things because I speak from experience. I allow myself to view life from a different perspective because I’ve painstakingly climbed to those heights from which I now observe life. I allow myself to express my opinion, my stance because it comes from the purest place connected with compassion and understanding since I know how tough life can be. Yet, I do not support passivity, victim mentality, complaining, disrespect, crossing boundaries, etc. Simultaneously, I allow myself to be vulnerable, stupid, unable to understand, get lost in emotional or mental overwhelm… I allow myself to just be human. With all my virtues and flaws. I strive to accept all this equally because it’s all equally a part of my journey on Earth. That’s why, sometimes in workshops, I willingly sharing my vulnerabilities and shortcomings because humanity should be our story, not the cheerful and mystical spirituality we dangerously adorn ourselves with on social media lately.
I’ve long realized that simplicity reflects God’s presence. Everything else is separation from Him. There’s no need for exaggeration, complicating things, and seeking answers in tempting mystical codes or banalizing life. The truth is always in zero, and we are beings of extremes because we need them to navigate toward that zero through experience. And that’s okay. But the trap is in staying put. In the inability to recognize the frameworks we squeeze ourselves into, in the inability to realize we’ve settled into a comfort zone, even if it’s uncomfortable in some way. For example, someone might jump from one technique to another without diving deep into even one, someone might overload themselves with work and obligations to use as an excuse for the passivity beneath that apparent activity, etc. None of us do this intentionally, because we want to stay in the dark. But few are determined to hold the match lit despite the fear of burning their fingers. Holding the match between the fingers is sometimes a painful process but can ignite a powerful flame of purification.
There’s a madness, a need within me to burn it all until I disappear, so I can be reborn. I’ve gone through this process several times in my life, so I can easily say that most people in my life don’t know me. I have no idea who that Martina from 10, 5, or 2 years ago was. She’s distant to me, unrecognizable. Similarly, I can say that I’m increasingly seeing how much I know nothing :). Ideas, concepts break, dissolve before my eyes often, and how can I cling to anything then? For so long, I’ve strived for the feeling of stability, solid ground under my feet that it was hard to accept that stability isn’t related to that ground underfoot. It’s something internal, happening spontaneously when we relinquish control. I’m not pretending to be important here,
I’m not enlightened, I still find and navigate myself through life and the experiences it offers me. On the other hand, I’m increasingly feeling some inexplicable clarity and strength that’s there even when I’m vulnerable and weak. It’s there even when the body refuses to obey or when I’m engulfed by crazy thoughts. Because in the end, it’s all a matter of choice. It’s my choice to constantly remind myself of that strength. It’s my choice to be brave and different even when it’s hard. It’s my choice to live my values even when judged. It’s my choice to be what I am with everything I am and rely on the mercy of the Divine presence in me and my life. Without that, I am nothing.
I invite you to discard everything learned, all theories and concepts, shatter the image you hold of yourself, and for a moment feel and realize that bare self. If necessary, stand naked before a mirror and look into your eyes. Stay there with yourself until a tear falls or a spontaneous cry arises, a smile as a sign of release. You don’t need anything—not a single religion, nor cheerful spirituality or fear of God to awaken and be who you are. All you need is to be who you are—get to know yourself! And accept yourself with everything you are in this earthly dimension. It’s what it is—both filthy and wonderfully beautiful at the same time :).
May Angels accompany us on this path, may the Divine hand hold us on this journey—remember, it’s enough for God to offer even a finger.
Thank you for your attention and time taken to read this, I deeply appreciate it because I know how valuable our time is as a resource :).
With love,
Martina
